Dear Dominic Cummings,

I Want The Job

Oh boy, what a breath of fresh air mate! I know exactly what you mean, even though I hope you don't mind my saying you do ramble a bit - you'd definitely benefit from some old skool probation expertise in the precis department - we're experts at distilling shed loads of info into 2 pages of A4 in order to get what we want from magistrates. I know you like history and of course Churchill was famous for demanding solutions on one side of paper. Learning point - make it snappier next time, ok?

As one blogger to another, I think you and me could get on well. Ok, I'm not in the flush of youth, but I've definitely got attitude and experience at rattling cages - so we're on the same page. Probation is completely fucked - that other sociopath Grayling saw to that - and you know as well as I do there's no young Turks at the MoJ - they're all establishment drones nowadays and don't know their arse from their elbow - have you any idea how much their piss-poor contracting skills have cost us over the years? Learning point - dig out the figures.

Now we both know your boss is dead keen on sorting out crime and punishment because lets be honest here, it's just an embarrassment what's going on both sides of the prison walls. Obviously there's votes in getting it sorted, am I right? But it's going to take some serious thinking outside the box and preferably by weirdo's like an old probation officer. Have you any idea what a diverse bunch of awkward, independently-minded, innovative, creative, misfits and odd balls we used to be? Learning point - read the blog.  

Lets get to the point - I know how to fix things and am available for an immediate start. I hate bureaucracy and believe me, the Civil Service are the problem! Probation needs a no-blame divorce from HMPPS asap. Lets get it done by January 31st! While we're at it, lets get shot of those irritating, robbing bastards, the CRC privateers and bring it all back in-house. The clever bit is turning a reunified Probation Service into an independent, arms-length QUANGO, regionally-organised and locally accountable! Honest mate, just like magic, a thousand flowers will bloom, trust me. Learning point - it's all on the blog.

Obviously there are one or two details I've left out because I don't want to show my hand too early and before I get the job, but rest assured, as soon as the paperwork is done, I will reveal everything and I'm sure it will all work out just fine. 

Look forward to hearing from you and keep up the good work mate! 

Yours, etc