Google Searches

It's always fascinating to see what text people are putting into the Google search engine and as a result arrive at this blog. Here are some that caught my eye recently:-

What do probation officers like to hear?

That's very easy to answer - the truth. I once had a very difficult denying life sentence murderer who kept on saying "How will you know when I'm telling the truth?" I used to say in reply - "I just will. Try me and see!" In my experience the truth is fairly easily spotted and only when we know the whole story can we be of any real help.

Coping mechanism on probation

What do you need a 'coping mechanism' for? We've heard it all before. Virtually nothing will shock or surprise, so just relax, answer our questions and co-operate. Remember, there is always the possibility of early discharge and you never know when you might be seeing us again in the future and really need our help if your plans for a crime-free life go awry for any reason.  

Excuses for probation officer

My advice is invariably don't try excuses as we've heard them all, including the sudden and unexpected death of relatives, in the absence of some compelling supporting evidence that is. It's not that we're heartless, we're just suspicious and get funny feelings at the back of our necks when being told rubbish.

Funny stuff to say to your probation officer

Well I don't recommend pissing them about as that's almost certainly going to be counter-productive. Flirting or just being a smart arse falls into the same category. As to making them laugh, you could always try anything that begins "I was thinking about what you said last time, and have decided to:- stop drinking/go straight/pay my rent/stop hitting people/never use drugs again." That sort of thing said out of the blue might raise a hollow laugh, especially if said without any effort at faking sincerity. I once overheard something that made me laugh. One client to another in reception "Of course most of 'em are wankers, but he's ok."    

How can I change my probation officer?

Always a good one this - "with the greatest difficulty!" There seems to be a myth amongst prison staff especially that any prisoner who feels they haven't got a good probation officer, can just request another. Not so, as such requests are usually dealt with in the context of the prisoner attempting to be manipulative. There are always exceptions however, for instance a female prisoner requesting a female officer. So-called 'personality clashes' get short shrift and in my experience no amount of campaigning through MP's or Home Secretary in the old days proved successful.

Are probation officers mean?

A very good question. Until relatively recently, we all had access to a sum of money called the Befriending Fund and sums up to £10 could be dispersed entirely at an officers discretion and without prior management approval. This could be for food or travel other than in relation to reporting for instance. Larger sums were routinely provided following discussion with a manager and for example often paid for a nights bed and breakfast in an emergency. I guess it goes without saying that this funding facility was an extremely useful 'tool' at our disposal and encouraged good working relationships between client and officer. Needless to say it was abandoned when it was felt it did not sit well with us becoming less welfare-orientated. Even so, when I started it was routine for officers to disperse other sums from their own pocket, and my hunch is that this practice may continue, but as far as I know is never discussed publicly. My feeling is that it is not good practice.